Caroline is a life coach and also the creator of The Busy Girl’s 6-Week Plan To Balance & Fulfillment, which is a course packed with amazing lectures, exercises, and interviews with top experts that will strategically guide you towards taking charge of your life from the inside out. Coupon Code is: busygirllove ($100 off, so the regular price of $475 will go back down to the Early Bird special rate $375).
How to Attract Great People Into Your Life
Across the board -in my clients, in my friends, and in myself- I see people’s desire to create authentic connection with other people. Feeling connected and seen by others allows us to be witnessed and loved. This (more than anything!) is what gives life meaning, relevance, and value.
Yet, so many of us struggle with our relationships -romantic or otherwise. Whether we find ourselves unable to create harmonious relationships or any lasting connections at all, there are a few things that each of us can actively work on to change the quality and quantity of our relationships.
Here are 5 steps you can follow to attract great people into your life:
1. Be yourself. Yes, it sounds simple enough, but sometimes this is easier said than done. Many of us carry within us this deep seated belief that maybe we are not cool enough/ pretty enough/ smart enough/ successful enough… to hang with the people we admire most. The result of these feelings of personal deficiency is that we try to adopt the kind of persona we think these “cool people” would like to see. And so -for the sake of fitting in- we try to be different from who we truly are. The problem with this is two-fold: 1) People will probably be able to tell if you are trying too hard, which makes your inauthentic and as a result not trustworthy, and 2) if you indeed succeed in making friends that way, you will get other people to like the person you invented but not the person you truly are. As long as you are hiding behind that persona, nobody can really see, witness, or love you for you. This will inevitably lead to feelings of dissatisfaction. Instead, focus on becoming fully yourself -with all your perks and quirks. This is the only way to create authentic connections.
2. Don’t try to be friends with everyone. Quality over quantity, my friend. Getting everyone to be your fan is not only a lot of work, it’s also a waste of time and energy because all it will do is turn you into a people pleaser at best and a perfectionist at worst. Neither of these roles are much fun because they will only make you feel less free in your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Dare to have your own opinions, values, and thoughts. You don’t have to force your beliefs onto other people or hurt someone else’s feelings, but you can be an uncensored version of yourself. This will not only make you more authentic, passionate, and happy internally, but it will also help you be someone people appreciate for their character and integrity.
3. Let go of control & learn to receive. This is a big one. Learning how to release control is a tough one for many of us because we are so used to hustling, being on top of everything, and taking charge. These are all yang (masculine) qualities that are widely treasured in our world of go-getters and do-ers. However, when it comes to creating real relationships and attracting great people into our lives, we have to cultivate more yin (feminine) qualities, which are focused on letting go and receiving. We are our at our personal best when we have a healthy combination of yang and yin energies in our lives (no matter if you are male or female). Some good ways to cultivate more yin include asking for help, daring to be vulnerable and allowing other people to give to you. This might sound selfish but think about how good you feel when you can give to someone else. Don’t deprive other people of the joy that comes with giving. Be grateful, honor what they did for you, and give back at another point in time. This will create an intimate bond.
4. Bond over positivity not shared misery. Oftentimes people make friends with others because of the shared misery of a horrible boss, a meaningless job, or a failed relationship. While this might give you temporary relief, it won’t lead to any positive lasting results. If your relationships are based on shared negativity and on what is NOT working in your life, make some active changes so you can bond and relate to one another on a more positive note and over what IS working. Not only will you both be happier, but you will also create a support system that is set up to help you both succeed.
5. Visualize. The power of visualization is a much talked about topic these days. If you desire more authentic and close relationships in your life, start to visualize yourself being surrounded by people who understand and support you. Perhaps you would have more dinner parties or hiking trips. Perhaps you would have deeper conversations and more invigorating encounters. Perhaps you would just laugh and enjoy more. Whatever it is you want, visualize it in bright colors. Do this once a day, preferably in the morning when your mind is sharp and clear.
I know you can do this! In the comments below, I’d love to hear from you: What have you tried that has allowed you to create deeper and more meaningful relationships?
Caroline Zwick, M.A is a life coach for women who want to create lives they love but don’t know how. She has helped hundreds of women who are struggling with issues around their identity, job, relationship, or body. Caroline has a M.A. in Counseling Psychology and has been featured in various media including The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Your Bella Life, The Beauty Bean and Cafe Truth. She has spoken at companies such as Martha Stewart Living, Yelp, Charity Water, AMEX, and Twitter. Find out more about her at www.carolinezwick.com.