I struggled with romantic relationships most of my life. In high school, I had an over-protective brother who scared boys away, and the guys I liked in college never seemed to like me back—or vice versa.
So when I moved to New York after graduation, all I wanted was a boyfriend. And while I went on many dates, I often remained “the single girl.” I felt self-doubt creep in anytime someone asked me why I wasn’t in a relationship, or anytime another single friend got coupled up and I didn’t. Was something wrong with me? What was I doing wrong?
Then, at 26 I finally met a nice guy through a friend and decided he could be my boyfriend. And he was! We dated for six months until I realized I was forcing it for the sake of being in a relationship—any relationship. That’s when I realized: NOTHING is wrong with me. Why on earth was I settling for something that didn’t make me happy?
We parted ways, and from that breakup on, I started trusting that I would meet the right person eventually.
I went from doubting myself to believing in myself. I went from thinking, I’ll never meet the man of my dreams to he’s out there and all I need to do is find him. I went from TRYING to meet him to TRUSTING I would meet him.
This extended to other areas of my life in ways I didn’t expect. I started doing things I genuinely enjoyed (working out, going to concerts, yoga). I stopped going to bars to meet someone — because I didn’t like bars! I stopped telling myself that I’m not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough.
And this translated to my business. As I grew my confidence and did more things I enjoyed, I started to grow my network and make more genuine connections (relationships are key to business, too).
Two years later, I was finally getting my side-hustle off the ground, and I started working at Equinox— I began the position thinking, hey maybe I’d meet a guy who was into health and fitness! A month in, I took a group fitness class called “Speedball Core” to see what the gym had to offer.
After class, I introduced myself to the instructor, Steve, and I told him about my business. (I’m usually pretty shy, but I was working on getting out of my comfort zone!) He seemed genuinely interested and thanked me for coming to his class. Later that night, Steve filled out the contact form on my website, and I learned that he wanted to create a global brand, travel around the world, and was about to get married.
The next week, he popped into my office and said: “You’re a Goldstein. My best friend Jeff is a Goldstein.” I thought, hook me up, but I stayed quiet.
A few weeks later, we met to map out some of his business goals. I met him at an Equinox on a cold winter night on the Upper East Side. (I really didn’t want to trek out in the cold that night, but once again, I got out of my comfort zone.) A few weeks later, Steve called me and said: “I was wondering if I could give my best friend your number?”
Jeff called me and we went on a blind date. As soon as I saw Jeff I knew he was the one: he was kind, made me feel comfortable, and we chatted away about our common interests like yoga. Three years later, we got married.
But this is more than a cute story about my relationship with my husband.
Really, it’s a story about my relationship with myself—about what happens when you stop doubting yourself and start believing.
Even after many so-called “failed attempts at relationships,” I changed my attitude.
When you take action from a place of faith rather than fear, step out of your comfort zone a little bit, and show up for your heart’s desire, it changes the actions you take.
So tell me: Are you acting out of fear or faith?
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